Some years ago, I became involved with a straight married man. After the relationship ended, though, and our paths no longer regularly crossed, I never heard from him again, despite my attempts to contact him and even though he had claimed even after we stopped “dating” that he would never be the one to let the friendship component go. I’ve never written here about that experience and hadn’t even spoken or thought about it for several years.
But I recently discovered in my log files some searches for his name, his nickname, and other phrases and information that taken together only he and I would know, so apparently he had discovered this journal and was checking to see whether I’d ever discussed him or our relationship.
I hadn’t–and even now I find myself hesitant to say anything that might identify him too closely, so I’ve not discussed where and when we met, for example. And even after his visit and discovering I hadn’t betrayed his trust or violated his privacy, he still hasn’t contacted me.
Which now, surprisingly, feels much more a relief than a disappointment.