i think kyan, i think kyan

From the previews, next week’s Queer Eye… looks like the one I’ve been waiting for: one segment features a bikini-clad Kyan–the “cute” one–and he definitely seems to be packing. As he said in his Hip Tip last night, with a significant glance downward toward his own basket, “Manscaping [trimming body hair] done well can make… just about anything else look bigger.”

Last night, Jeff and I were enjoying a lazy queer Bravo evening with the TiVo, and when the trailer showed the almost-naked Kyan, we both grabbed for the remote to rewind and freeze frame.

We’ve been musing about the way the Fab Five differently approach their responsibilities. I feel sorry for Thom, who seems to get stuck with the worst job, staying behind to clean–and in most of these guys’ houses, that’s a job for which you want to be sure your tetanus boosters are up-to-date–paint, and move furniture.

In recent episodes, Ted has parlayed his responsibility into going out to expensive restaurants, just to help the straight guy “get a feel for the layout,” which certainly is nice work if you can get it.

I’m still not sure what Jai’s job is, other than to look adorable. There does seem to be an element of tokenization in the Culture spot, though, since the only queers of color on the show both have filled that role.

Carson gets to play tailor and thereby safely feel up all the straight boys.

But it’s Kyan whose zeal for his responsibility gets such clear self-indulgence: in each episode he beelines for the straight guy’s bathroom, where he can be seen zhuzhing his own hair and admiring his own reflection; last night he partook of a manicure of his own; and next week he strips right down to get a spray tan. Yet you never see him actually doing any significant work on the straight guy; rather, he supervises the haircuts, scrubs and facials, waxing (pun intended) dreamily about the world-changing benefits of gay-straight spa buddies and hetero-homo bonding over manicures. I keep expecting him to announce “Nails over America,” a la Band-Aid or Comic Relief, an initiative to stamp out homophobia one paired set of gay and straight cuticles at a time.

5 thoughts on “i think kyan, i think kyan

  1. I hate to admit this, but I am a huge Carson fan. He reminds me so much of my friend Steve that it is scary. Scary, I say! But yeah, Thom. Craig and I were talking last night about what a sucky job he has. I would never want to scrub someone’s toilet.

  2. I was impressed by the tanning scene in the previews, too – but more because of the straight guy than because of Kyan, I have to admit.

  3. This is getting so confusing. There’s Thom 1–me, the blog owner; Thom 2–tmb from diaryland; and now Thom 3–Filicia, Queer Eye‘s designer guru. Me-Thom preferred Kyan to next week’s straight guy (though it doesn’t surprise me that you, TMB-Thom, preferred the shaven-headed cop from next week), but I did prefer the cowboy straight guy two weeks ago to any of the Fab Five.
    And I thought the “h” would set my name off nicely. Am I going to have to find yet some new unusual way to spell it after twenty-three years as Thom-with-an-h?

  4. John was definately the winner of the season. But Kyan… Kyan is the Fab of the Fab. I did, like, a quadruple take when that commercial came on, I tell ya. I even watched what the last 20 minutes of BmB (which I had already seen from earlier in the night) just to see if that commercial would come on again.
    I almost called Jeff to make sure he was watching the first time I saw it, but then I realized… of COURSE he’d be watching, so a text message sufficed. 🙂 Now, I’m making sure to alert all my Dorotheic Acquaintances about next week’s schedule-revolutionizing event.

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