doubting thom

Around 2:30 this afternoon, while I was in the middle of a meeting, we lost power in our office (and in the surrounding neighborhood). With only minimal emergency lighting on, we elected to move our meeting outside. While we were out there, PG&E allegedly told the university that they didn’t know what had happened but that they thought it would be 4:30 at the earliest that the electricity would be back on. The assistant vice chancellor for the office then told everyone they could go ahead and leave for the day. Since I was outside, though, I didn’t get that message. Around 3:00, just as my meeting was breaking up and much sooner than predicted, the power came back on and I came back inside.

So I ended up staying at the office; a few others had stayed as well, and in any case it’s often easier to get things done when there’s no one around. But instead of staying until my usual 6 or later, and since I worked through lunchtime today as well, I’ll plan to head out shortly after posting this item.

Tonight we’re seeing Avenue Q at the Orpheum Theater in San Francisco. We actually saw it on Broadway three-and-a-half years ago, but it wouldn’t be the first time we’ve gone to touring productions of shows we’ve already seen in New York (we’ve seen both Putnam County Spelling Bee and Altar Boyz here in SF this past year, for example, after having seen them originally in New York, and we saw Mamma Mia in New York and DC). Soon, though, we’ll be able to start seeing some shows we didn’t have an opportunity to see back east; the new production of Sweeney Todd, for example, opens here in just a couple of weeks, and the much-anticipated-on-my-behalf Spring Awakening is scheduled to tour here next here.

This past weekend Jeff and I went to Santa Cruz, where I was planning to attend a UC systemwide computing services conference from Sunday evening through Tuesday afternoon. I had never been to Santa Cruz, so we drove down together Saturday morning to do some sightseeing ahead of time.

We went to the boardwalk, rode a few rides, ate hot dogs, and walked on the beach. That evening we picked up some paninis, popcorn and sodas and went to the local drive-in, where The Simpsons Movie and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix were playing as a double-feature. I think the last time I was at a drive-in before last Saturday was in 1978 or 1979, when I saw Ralph Bakshi’s animated Lord of the Rings in a triple feature with “Worst Movie Ever Made” candidates Plan 9 from Outer Space and the truly execrable Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, along with my high school (platonic) girlfriend and two high school teachers–a married couple–with whom we were close. These same teachers were responsible for introducing me to Leonard Bernstein’s Mass and the work of Peter Shickele and P.D.Q. Bach.

But I digress.

We had a great time at the drive-in, which seems a popular place to be in Santa Cruz on Saturday night. And the entrance fee was just $6 each for the double-feature; you can’t see even one movie most places these days for $6, and both of these were brand-new (in fact, The Simpsons Movie had opened just the previous night).

Sunday morning we went to the UCSC Arboretum, where we saw a hawk, several hummingbirds, and many bees… and a sign warning of mountain lion sightings. Fortunately, we saw only the sign. Afterwards, we had a veggie brunch with Julie and Ziggy, then walked around and visited some cool little shops, and had tea at a tea-house before Julie and Jeff (and their luggage) swapped cars: Jeff rode back to Daly City with Ziggy, and Julie came with me to the conference.

The conference itself was mixed. The UCSC campus is breathtakingly beautiful, bordering redwood forests on a hill high above the Monterey Bay. A doe and her two fawns grazed outside a dorm, less than five feet from us, as we carried our luggage from the car. Monday night a huge raccoon walked out of the undergrowth two feet away from me, looked up at me briefly, and continued on his way, unconcernedly. The windows of the “apartment” (read, dorm room) in which I was staying opened onto a grove of redwoods. The nights and mornings were cool and foggy, but the fog burned off by 11:00 most mornings, leaving clear blue skies and temperatures in the low 80s. Truly, I think I could fairly happily live in Santa Cruz.

Tuesday, however, stayed cool and foggy for longer, clearing up only as Julie and I left to drive up the Pacific Coast around 12:45. That day was also my 45th birthday (though Jeff and I had celebrated a kind of joint birthday/anniversary/solstice/housewarming party the previous month), and I arrived home in Daly City to a beautiful bamboo plant my mom had sent, a DVD of the fourth season of Family Guy from Sheldon and Gretchyn, and a card from Craig, Heidi and their two boys. Jeff’s mom insisted on taking us out to dinner to celebrate. All in all, it was a relatively low-key birthday, which suits me quite fine.

Oh, July 31 was also the birthday of Deval Patrick, the current governor of Massachusetts (he turned 51) and William Weld, a former governor of Massachusetts (62), J.K. Rowling (42), Wesley Snipes (45), Dean Cain (41), Ben Chaplin (38), and Primo Levi (born 1919, died 1987). The 31st is also the day in 1981 that Rowling purported for Harry Potter’s birth, so he would be 26 this year.

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve made a pretty big decision: I’ve put my Northern Virginia condo on the market. I’d been thinking about it for a while. In fact, when I accepted the position here in San Francisco last year, I thought about trying to sell it then, but the interviews, job offer and move happened so quickly–less than five weeks from first telephone interview to my start date, with a transatlantic vacation and cross-country move in between–that I didn’t want to rush into the decision at the time, so I hired a property management company to find tenants and oversee the lease.

It’s become clear to me over the past year, perhaps unsurprisingly, that this is my home now; I love it here. And, even if we were to leave the Bay Area, I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t go back to DC. So I had started thinking about selling the condo when the lease expired the end of August. But by the end of June I hadn’t actually done anything about it, and started worrying that I wouldn’t be giving the tenants fair enough (even if legally sufficient) warning, so I decided I’d rent it for one more year and then sell in 2008.

But on July 5 I got an email from the management company that the tenants had decided not to renew the lease past August, so rather than have to look for new tenants for only a year’s lease, I decided that was the sign to sell it. So as of today, the condo is on the market.

It’s listed on the MLS and as a “showcase” listing on Realtor.com. It’s particularly strange to see the photos of it there, with someone else’s furniture, arranged completely differently than we had ours, but maybe that helps me in separating from it emotionally.

And it has been an emotionally charged decision. While I know that it’s really the right time (if not already a little late) to sell it for a number of reasons–I need to sell it within the next two years to avoid the capital gains penalties, a number of new condo buildings are planned nearby that will create a glut, I’m not going to be moving back there, we’d need the cash were we to find a house here we want to buy, to list only a few–but the decision still left a big lump in my throat. This was the first (and only, so far) home I’d bought, and I bought it completely on my own, with no financial support from my family. I was there for ten years, the longest I’d lived at any one address as an adult, I made a lot of friends there, Alex came into my life that first year, and Jeff and I had lived together there for three years.

But life moves on, and so will I. Even considering the less-than-ideal work situation and the bad things that have come our way the past year, I’m really happy out here in California, happier than I was back in Virginia. So, positive thoughts, if you will, that the former Chez Thomas sells quickly… and for the asking price. <grin/>

If you know of anyone who might be interested–the Barkley is a really well-respected address in Arlington, at a very convenient location, and my unit is on the secluded, quiet, tree-covered courtyard side of the building, overlooking the swimming pool (honestly, I think it’s one of the two or three best locations in the entire building, high enough to be safe and to have a pleasant tree-top view, but not so high as to get the street noise from Columbia Pike)–let me know.

Saturday morning, at about 10:30 a.m., the doorbell rang and a cute UPS deliveryman in his signature brown shorts (so I’m told by Jeff, who answered the door and collected the package) dropped off my pre-ordered copy of the 739-page Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the seventh and last book in the Harry Potter series. Jeff was planning to take his mom to the 13th annual Fil-Am Friendship Festival that day, so I toasted a couple of English muffins and curled up on the couch with the book.

I read pretty much non-stop, with a break to shower and get dressed, until 5:15 when we had to leave to make our 6:00 pre-theater dinner reservation at Absinthe. I started with a caipirinha (mojitos and caipirinhas seem to be my new favorite cocktails), followed it with a caesar salad, and then the steak frites for my entree. The latter was the best I’ve had in my life. One often hears that good steak “melts in one’s mouth,” but this one actually did; it was wonderfully rare, yet not at all tough. And the pesto butter drizzled on top really highly complimented the beef. The frites were perfectly crunchy little shoestring potatoes rather than typical American-style fries. For dessert we shared one of their cheeses–the Portugese Serra Da Estrela Merenda, with fig spread, described in the menu as a “washed rind sheep’s-milk cheese made with wild thistle rennet with a sweet grassy taste”–and the chocolate pot de crème. Yum.

After dinner we saw the Kinsey Sicks show, Condoleezzapalooza, at the Herbst Theater. Long-time readers of this blog may remember that Jeff and I saw the Kinsey Sicks at the Birchmere, back in Alexandria, for our first in-person meeting in June 2003, effectively, as it turns out, our first date (we even use that date, June 21, for purposes of celebrating our anniversary). In the audience, and pointed out from the stage, was a former member of the troupe, Maurice, whom I’d known 25 years ago when we were both members of the Harvard Glee Club. After the show, I went over and re-introduced myself, and we agreed to make plans to get together when he returns from his trip back to Cambridge this week for, of all things, a Glee Club reunion.

We got home around 10:30, and I returned to the world of Harry Potter, finishing the book–and the series, if J.K. Rowling is to be believed–an hour later.

As obsessive as this might sound, to push myself to finish the book in something under 7 hours over the course of a day, I did at least put the book down when we left the house for dinner and the concert. At the concert, we actually saw several people reading the book in their seats, before the show started.

An important point I noticed at the time but inadvertently left out of my earlier posting on the New Jersey same-sex marriage ruling: the decision, in its essence, was unanimous. All seven justices agreed that the committed relationships of the gay and lesbian citizens of New Jersey must be accorded the same legal rights and privileges as those of committed heterosexual couples who enter into marriage. Three of the seven concurring–including the retired chief justice–actually went further, stating that they believed that same-sex couples should, in fact, be able to be married, not only to get the rights and privileges but to be able to use the word “marriage” itself, recognizing the power of words. The state can still elect to just amend the marriage laws rather than enacting a separate-but-equal system of civil unions, but that one vote gives them the option of using the same slimy out that Vermont ultimately chose. Most important, of course, is that the gay and lesbian relationships of New Jersey will, at least, be treated fairly by the law; and people will call their own commitments whatever they will, even the majority opinion recognized their right to do so.

The major press is missing or glossing over this point, often, including even The New York Times which, as of the time of this post, still refers ambiguously to a 4-3 ruling granting these rights to same-sex couples. That makes it sound as though three justices would have ruled against granting those rights, when in fact those three wanted not only to grant those rights, but to go further. It is important–very important–that none of the seven justices would find that same-sex couples should not get the same rights as heterosexual couples.

Another reason this opinion has been so closely watched, and is so important outside New Jersey as well as within, is that New Jersey–unlike Massachusetts–has no laws prohibiting marriage (nor may they enact such laws to apply only to the same-sex variant) where such marriage wouldn’t be recognized in the applicant’s own state. The possibility, then–and the fear of the right–is that same-sex couples will come from all over the U.S. to be married in New Jersey, and then sue for recognition within their own states, challenging the constitutionality of the offensively misnamed federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).

New Jersey’s highest court has ruled today that within 180 days the state legislature must provide same-sex couples with the rights and privileges accorded to heterosexual marriage, stopping short of requiring that it be called marriage, stating explicitly that the legislature could choose to enact civil unions instead. text of the opinion (note: PDF file)

I’m torn about this decision. I think it was a positive step (though I hate the “separate but equal” status embodied by the permissibility of civil unions in lieu of marriage), but I think the timing of it could have disastrous consequences that go well beyond the issue of gay marriage.

So now we can only wait and see if this announcement, so close to the elections, energizes social conservatives and evangelicals sufficiently to annul the Democrats’ opportunity to take control of the House and Senate. I’m betting this will probably tip the vote in Virginia over amending the state constitution to prohibit same-sex marriage solidly in favor of doing so, and could even take that Senate seat back out of play.

I hope I’m wrong and that everything else over which America is angry and fed-up with the Republicans won’t be outweighed by the native antipathy toward gay folk, but I’m so very nervous now about the elections.

My department at UCSF is hiring a graphic designer/web designer (official title: Principal Artist), so if you know of any graphic artists in the Bay Area looking for a permanent position, please pass this on. Or, if you know of good specialized sites/lists for reaching graphic artists, please let me know (we’re using Craigslist, of course, but most of the other specialty job sites I’ve used for filling positions in the past are focused more on technology than on design). Oh, our graphic team uses Macs, of course.

Job Summary: Incumbent will create original design for a variety of communication projects with special emphasis on the web; serve as web design expert on functionality, interaction, user interfaces, site architecture, navigation and related aspects of successful web site creation; program HTML as necessary and author and monitor adherence to job specifications, proposals, estimates, schedules and budget; and perform other duties as assigned. Position is Full-Time/Career.

Required Qualifications: Graduation from high school, two years of art training, and four years of experience, including at least one year in a supervisory capacity; or an equivalent combination of education and experience; and knowledge and abilities essential to the successful performance of the duties assigned to the position; experience in graphic design with specific training in web site creation; university design experience; proven record of producing sophisticated, original web and print design for a variety of clients and organizations; clear and substantiated understanding of branding principles, particularly as they relate to identity and design standards; expertise in MAC OSX applications including Quark, InDesign, Illustrator and Photoshop; expertise and understanding of HTML, CSS, DHTML, JavaScript; substantive experience in all conventional and digital printing processes.

Preferred Qualifications: BFA and minimum of 5 years experience in graphic design with specific training in web site creation.

In order to be considered for open positions at UCSF, you will need to submit your resume through our online application process. Once you complete the online application process, you will receive an email confirming that your submission has been received. Submitting your resume to UCSF opens the door to many immediate and ongoing job opportunities. Your resume will remain active in our applicant database and you will be able to update it as needed.

To submit your resume online go to:

http://ucsfhr.ucsf.edu/careers

Apply specifically to requisition 20428BR. Please note ad code BTW/20428BR in the ad code field in your applicant profile.

UCSF is a great place to work, with excellent benefits. This position is located at the University’s Laurel Heights campus on California Street, not far from the Presidio. The other designers on the team are really cool, and (or should that be a “but”?) you’d also be working fairly closely with me.

I’m not sure why I need to say anything since, as a friend once said to me when I expressed surprise that a co-worker didn’t know I was gay and had asked me about my wife (I assumed that everyone knew I was gay; after all, in 1988 at that organization I’d successfully spearheaded the fight for a non-discrimination clause that included sexual orientation, and had lobbied–albeit unsuccessfully, though they’ve since come around–for domestic partner recognition), “Yeah, you’re so gay, even dogs know it.” I remember coming up with alternative versions for a while afterwards: “You’re so gay, even dead people know.” “You’re so gay, even the furniture can tell.”

But since there still may be someone out there who doesn’t know, and because today is National Coming Out Day, yes, I’m “that way.” As a three-dollar-bill. Let’s all whisper now: “G-A-Y.”

Today at work the University hosted its 18th annual celebration of National Coming Out Day. “Celebration,” though, really is a vast overstatement for today’s event, which this year consisted of a panel discussion of four out campus leaders about their own coming-out process, particularly in the context of their work as faculty and administrators at a major university, and also in the wake of comments from a recent visiting lecturer who said that, given the suicide of former UC Santa Cruz Chancellor Denise Denton, an out lesbian, people in high positions in the UC system should “think long and hard before coming out.” One of the panelists rightly called “bullshit” on that statement. My intent is not to denigrate today’s session, which I enjoyed and found very interesting, and which I hope portends more opportunities for the campus GLBTI community to come together, but it wasn’t on par with what I’ve heard about more social and celebratory events from earlier years that took place in the courtyard with free food.

One particularly heartening thing about today’s panel discussion was the overwhelmingly positive experiences the panelists have had as out leaders at UCSF. Of only apparently four out administrators at the associate vice chancellor level or above throughout the entire UC system, we have two of them at UCSF, along with at least one assistant dean and the vice-chair of pediatrics. The student newspaper published a two-page spread of the University’s “Out List” of faculty, students and staff willing to go on the record as out in the University community, and the list included over 400 names. I think that’s pretty impressive, and speaks well to this university’s commitment to supporting its GLBTI community.

My own coming out occurred over a period of many years, starting in 1980 as a freshman at Harvard, where coming out was an easy process, especially as a member of the all-male Glee Club, which seemed to attract a preponderance of gay men. The environment at Harvard then was largely supportive, my homosexuality was pretty much a non-issue there, and I’ve continued to treat it as such in conversations with friends, colleagues and strangers (where and when it comes up); in fact, I’ve found that assuming and presenting it matter-of-factly as completely normal and unremarkable–which of course it is–people tend to react that way in return, or at least keep any negative reactions to themselves.

I implied above that coming out is not a singular act, but a process. While I’ve always been out with friends and colleagues since coming out to myself in 1980, coming out to my family was an altogether harder thing to do, and took significantly longer. My sister knew earliest–finding out by accident–and was the most homophobic for many years, though she’s since turned around 180 degrees and is a good friend and very supportive of me and my relationship with Jeff. Gradually I came out to cousins, aunts, uncles, etc., leaving mostly just my parents and grandparents. I never did come out to any of my grandparents before they died, and I came out to Mom and Dad only in 1992, which at the time seemed to have been much too long a wait, but now that it’s also nearly 15 years in the past, seems to be part and parcel of the same coming out process that started in earnest at least 26 years ago.

I’ve been very fortunate. My family and friends have been uniformly accepting, my parents adored my previous partner, Jay, and my Mom loves Jeff (I just regret he never got to meet my Dad, who died during our first months together). And it’s been a non-issue everywhere I’ve worked, even at the State Department. I decided years ago that any place at which being gay would be an issue for my employer would be one place I wouldn’t want to work anyway, so for me there’s just no reason not to be gayforward from the get-go.

So here and now, at UCSF, it seems almost anticlimactic to participate in National Coming Out Day; this environment is even more affirming for queer folk than any other place I’ve worked. I outed myself explictly though not gratuitously in my cover letter, and implicitly in my resume as well by noting both my involvement with the Unitarian-Universalist Association in leading anti-oppression workshops as well as the existence of this personal blog, easily enough found through a Google search.

Perhaps, then, I should think of it as noting one more year’s passage of time in a life of Being Out, just as a birthday is as much the recognition of another spin of an ongoing cycle as it is the celebration of one single day. Here’s to one more fabulous turn of the wheel, then.

Over at Rebel Prince, Jeff also talks about coming out and being out.

Jeff’s already written about our fondue date on the 29th of September, at the Melting Pot restaurant in Larkspur, the occasion both of that location’s first anniversary and a fundraiser for UCSF Children’s Hospital. I’d never before eaten at a Melting Pot, though I’d always wanted to, so for a good cause we made it happen. We really splurged, going for the multi-course (cheese fondue, salad, entree fondue, and chocolate fondue) prix fixe “Big Night Out” special, priced by the couple.

We started with the gran queso cheese fondue, with apples, bread and vegetables for dipping. This was followed by the salad course–caesar for Jeff, and strawberry almond for me. Next was the “Fondue Feast” entree, in a coq au vin cooking sauce; we had filet milon medallions, teriyaki steak, black tiger shrimp, citrus-marinated pord tenderloin, breast of chicken, and large vegetable ravioli. After a resting period to let some of that feast digest, we finished with a dark chocolate, caramel and pecan fondue flambe, with fruit, brownies, marshmallows and cheesecake to dip. Heaven.

We had a wonderful, romantic, langorous experience, ably watched over by our server, Michelle (funny, incredibly personable and a near dead-ringer for actress Camryn Manheim), in a rather exotic setting: the building, a converted brick “kiln,” had labyrinthine hobbit-home corridors, curved brick walls that felt like the caves of a winery (you can see this effect in the photo on the Larkspur location web site), and one wing, where we were seated, featured “lover’s lane,” a corridor of cozy two-person booths tucked against each other in ways that provided optimal privacy for each. It was a near perfect evening, and the evening drive back into the city across the Golden Gate Bridge was lovely; I really do enjoy going up to Marin.