Last weekend, I was talking to my sister about Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and she asked me to tape it for her, since she was eager to see it but her local cable system doesn’t include Bravo (or Food TV… even more reason to pity any poor gay boys growing up there, not that there aren’t lots of reasons). When I got back to Arlington, I saw that NBC was planning to air it this week after Will & Grace, so I sent email to let her know, and she replied that she’d seen a promo for it as well and was planning to watch it; apparently, she’s now more of a Will & Grace regular viewer than I.
Last night I got an email from her letting me know that she and my brother-in-law both had really enjoyed the program. She also wanted to know which of the Fab Five I found attractive. If the email had ended there, no problem. But she went on to tell me about her latest idea for someone she thinks I should “hook up with”: Steven Cojocaru– “Cojo” –regular contributor to NBC’s Today.
This is much worse than her last suggestion for a boyfriend for me, QVC (yes, the shopping channel) host, David Venable. Now, I have to give my sister points for her burgeoning gaydar, as she clued in on Venable’s passion for gourmet food, beauty pageants and musical theatre, and his dog “Ruby” (named, I had assumed, for Dorothy’s ruby slippers), and big points for her understanding and comfort level with my being gay (not always the case, she was at one point probably the most homophobic member of my family)–she had seriously considered writing Mr. Venable a letter to let him know about her single gay brother and offer to make the introduction. And he is cute. But my sister seems to have a mindset that any gay man recognizable to her is, de facto, my soulmate and future husband, no matter his interests, intelligence, personal style, personality or appearance.
And it’s not like she doesn’t have any data points on which to make a determination: she’s met all of my longish term boyfriends and even several of the hommes du jour.
Really, though. Cojo? At least with David Venable, I think my sister was working the angle that with a QVC host in the family, she’d rack up big Diamonique discounts; but what’s her payoff here?
Maybe she just thinks you’re a total sucker for those cute TV personality types…
It’s amazing to me how the breeders think that all gay men are destined for each other. A friend of mine was like, “Hey! I can hook you up with my cousin! He’s gay!” So I responded “Yeah! And I’ve got four cousins I can hook you up with! You’re into polygamy and incest, right?”
Somehow you don’t seem the Cojocaru type….his hair alone is enough to send people running the other way. He sort of reminds me of that freak Jesse who won the MTV VJ thingy a couple years ago.
Them: “Oh, you’re gay? Do you know my friend, <insert name here>?”
Me: “Oh, does <friend’s name> live here in the DC area too?”
Them: “No. Just thought you two might know each other.”
Me: “Well, I don’t recognize the name, but we probably slept together sometime.”
“But my sister seems to have a mindset that any gay man recognizable to her is, de facto, my soulmate and future husband…”
Ahhh yes. That sounds very familiar. “Hey, she’s a lesbian!”
and ….. what? (like I care)