virginia is for haters

Posted on by thom

“Virginia is for Lovers” has been the tourism slogan of the Commonwealth of Virginia since sometime during my childhood. Yet this is a phrase that has always sounded hollow (and still sounds superficial and ridiculous) to me, a Virginian by birth and a resident for all but seven years of my life, given the familiar usage of the word “lovers” to denote the partners in a gay or lesbian relationship and that mine is very clearly a state that, at the state level, at least (there are pockets of tolerance and acceptance, particularly including my own Arlington County), is not at all supportive of its gay and lesbian citizens.

Granted, Virginia historically hasn’t been particularly supportive of all other lovers, either, even fighting for the right to keep its miscegenation laws on the books all the way to the Supreme Court in 1967, in the case of Virginia v. Loving.

True to form, then, following yesterday’s Supreme Court ruling that has the effect of overturning Virginia’s own “Crimes Against Nature” law, as reported by The Washington Post and noted also by Gene, our Attorney General, Jerry W. Kilgore (R), has spoken out against the decision:

Kilgore (R) expressed disappointment with the ruling, which he said invalidates a state statute banning oral and anal sex between consenting gay and heterosexual couples. “As one who believes that the courts are to interpret and not create law, I disagree with the ruling and am always disappointed when a court undermines Virginia’s right to pass legislation that reflects the views and values of our citizens,” he said in a statement.

My own disappointment comes from the degradation of Virginia from its position as one of the centers of the birthplace of the American Revolution (“Mother of States and Statesmen”) through its lamentable position as hosting the capitol of the Confederacy to its current pride in an extremely regressive political mindset exemplified by Kilgore’s statement. Aren’t I a citizen of Virginia? What about reflecting my views and values? As a child growing up in Virginia, I was inundated in school with classes in Virginia History, and I felt so proud that, by an accident of ancestry and birth, I was one of a long line of Virginians. My senior year of high school, I was honored by the Daughters of the American Revolution as the “Good Citizen of the State of Virginia,” delivering a speech to them about patriotism (I am so embarrassed to remember the degree of my naïveté, even as late as 17; I’m just so grateful now that it wasn’t an honor bestowed by the Daughters of the Confederacy) at a dinner in Richmond fêting my youthful accomplishments. I suspect that had I been out that year, rather than a few months later once I reached the safety of college, that award would have gone to another; even now there are those, like Kilgore, who believe that a gay man cannot de facto be a “good citizen,” and, until yesterday, I was indeed an unapprehended felon and recidivist for my (all too) occasional acts of sodomy.

Yet I still sometimes feel the stirring of that bizarre erstwhile pride in having been born a Virginian. When I moved back to the DC area from my seven years in Massachusetts, I made a deliberate decision to live in Virginia rather than Maryland. Even now, as the Commonwealth has delivered disappointment after disappointment to me as a gay man, especially, but as a human and civil rights advocate more generally, I still identify, to some degree, as a Virginian–or, at least, as a Virginian of an ideal Virginia, the Platonic Commonwealth that might have been. And, while I remain in the DC area, I feel that it’s important that I stay here, and try to change things, and not to cede this, which is my home, too, to the narrow-minded, those who idealize a different historical Virginia, and who pray to their Dixie God, as per the lamentable state song, to Carry Me Back to Old Virginny:

Where I labored
So hard for old Massa,
Day after day
In the field of yellow corn….

There’s where the old darkey’s
Heart am long’d to go.

Frankly, I’m ready for a brand new Virginny, a Virginia that looks forward rather than nostalgically back, one that truly is for lovers, not haters.

13 thoughts on “virginia is for haters”

  3. It was the state song from 1940 through 1997, at which point it was designated state song “emeritus.” No new state song has yet been selected to replace it.
    The full text of the lyrics (written by James Bland, an African-American minstrel, in 1880):
    Carry me back to old Virginny,
    There’s where the cotton and the corn and ‘tatoes grow,
    There’s where the birds warble sweet in the springtime,
    There’s where the old darkey’s heart am long’d to go,
    There’s where I labored so hard for old massa,
    Day after day in the field of yellow corn,
    No place on earth do I love more sincerely,
    Than old Virginny, the state where I was born.
    Refrain:
    Carry me back to old Virginny,
    There’s where the cotton and the corn and ‘tatoes grow,
    There’s where the birds warble sweet in the springtime,
    There’s where the old darkey’s heart am long’d to go.
    Carry me back to old Virginny,
    There let me live ’till I wither and decay,
    Long by the old Dismal Swamp have I wandered,
    There’s where this old darkey’s life will pass away.
    Massa and missis have long gone before me,
    Soon we will meet on that bright and golden shore;
    There we’ll be happy and free from all sorrow,
    There’s where we’ll meet and we’ll never part no more.
    Refrain:

  4. WOW – and I thought I was in the Hate State! Boycotts do help, we had one here in Colorado in the early 90’s. It cost our state millions in lost revenue. The media attention was daily.
    Good Luck!!

  5. 1 Corinthians 6:
    Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor HOMOSEXUALS, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.
    God loves you but He hates your sin. God loves you so much that He sent his only son, Jesus, to die to pay your debt(sins). Can you imaging if you had only one son and decided to send Him to die to save you from Hell? That’s because He loves you that much! God can wash away all your sins, and make you a new person, all you have to do is pray and ask Him, admit your a sinner, ask to receive His free gift of eternal life, and that you believe in Jesus, and you will be totally forgiven, and go to heaven. My great grandmom had a near death experience and saw heaven for herself and lived to tell about it. Heaven is real. Hell is real. God is real. The bible is real and true. It’s not meant to be hateful but a guide for blessings in your life, and to safeguard you from being decieved. There’s hope for you. You don’t know when you are going to die, you could die tomorrow. So please accept Jesus before it’s too late. God bless you.

  6. you people better realize – you are committing grave sin- and i dont want to be with you in hell–so please stop pushing your perverted lifestyle on god fearing americans….and yes im gonna buy more virginia products than i ever have before…………..

  10. I am a Virginia citizen, having lived here for more than 20 years. (I was born and raised a Yankee.) I am always stunned by my adoptive state’s ignorance and hatred. The people who represent us in the Virginia legislature don’t seem to care when I write to them regarding my views on these issues. They seem to believe that they have been elected to represent only their slice of society, not the rest of us.
    My personal dilemma is that I am about to launch a non-profit Virginia business, a writer’s workshop, in which I hope to have gay and straight participation. (I happen to be heterosexual by nature.) How can I support the boycott and yet not alienate the gay community by being based out of Virginia?

  11. WAH,WAH,WAH, YOU WANT EVERYONE TO BE TOLERANT OF YOU BUT ARE NOT TOLERANT OF ANYONE THAT HAS A DIFFERENT OPINION. YOUR A SINGLE AGENDA GROUP, THAT TRIES TO GET MORE POLITICAL POWER THAN SUCH A SMALL GROUP (HOMOSEXUALS) SHOULD BE GIVEN. IN REALITY YOUR JUST A BUNCH OF SICK FREAKS THAT LUCKLY CAN’T/WON’T BREED. WHY SHOULD YOU BE GIVEN ANY SPECIAL TREATMENT? I AM SO TIRED OF HEARING HOW EVERY GROUP OUT THERE ARE VICTIMS OF THIS AND THAT, AND NEED SPECIAL LAWS ETC BECAUSE SOCIATY DOESN’T TREAT THEM RIGHT OR THE GROUP DOESN’T FEEL LIKE THERE GETTING THERE FAIR SHARE, OF WHAT I DON’T KNOW. GET A LIFE STOP WHINNING AND BLAMMING EVERYTHING ON EVERYONE ELSE AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN SITUATION IN LIFE. I JUST HAPPEN UPON THIS WEB PAGE, BUT WHAT A WASTE OF BITS & BITES. DID I MENTION THAT THIS PAGE AND THE PICTURE OF YOU TWO FUDGE PACKERS ONLY MAKES MOST PEOPLE LESS WILLING TO BE ACCEPTING. AND ACCEPTING OR NOT THE MAJORITY OF US NORMAL PEOPLE THINK THAT YOUR REALLY SICK PEOPLE (NOT NORMAL). NOTICE I DIDN’T USE THE WORD GAY ANYWHERE, AFTER READING YOYR WEB PAGE YOU DON’T SOUND GAY, OR HAPPY, MAYBE IT’S YOUR SICK LIFESTYLE, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU FOLKS STOLE THIS WORD IT JUST DOESN’T WORK, “ANGRY MOSTLY WHITE MALE” BEST DESCRIBES MOST. OF COURSE SO DOES QUEER, AND FAGGOT! I’VE SPENT MUCH TOO MUCH TIME, SORRY FOR ANY TYPO’S

  12. You bible-thumpers need to read more carefully-if you have the capacity to read at all…I have heard inbreeding does cause serious birth-defects…those passages in the bible you throw around are only the parts you preselected…if you violate ANY of the laws you have violated ALL of them (Read the statements of Paul): so,if you ate at Red Lobster lately, had sex before marriage, had your menstrating woman prepare your meal you have committed an abomination . Oh, and getting a haircut…but the passages mentioning all of these things are inconveniencing to the modern american aren’t they? Why do you people get so emtional about homosexuality. As for Mario-just beause the MAJORITY thinks a certain thing doesn’t mean it’s right…slavery was endorsed by a majority of americans prior to the civil war, the majority of germans believed the nazis were doing the right thing in the early 40’s. As for the moral question-most of the guys who start that bs are the ones who think it’s perfectly acceptable to be adult and ‘get wit’ some little girl of 11 or 12..’cause the bible says it’s my right as a male’ or some other absurd rationale. The profile for most homophobes is an uneducated/poorly educated male and/or a male with either latent homosexuality or personal scapegoating for one’s own moral trespasses. Since you like to make sweeping generalizations here is one based on fact(for a change)..most of violent crimes are committed by males-rape, murder,assault,genocide,terrorism,abduction,child molestation, generally most of the suffering in the world is caused by MEN-STRAIGHT men, actually-since the MAJORITY is the rule-isn’t it guys? (Pause for what usually constitutes conservative men’s temper tamtrums)..oh is that unfair?..oh, I’m sorry..waaahhh…Mario-interracial relationships are/were considered disgusting and unnatural to some and I don’t see you railing on that, Joe,I am not a “smart-ass faggot” but I’m the girl who looked at you and saw a dumb hick with teeth missing,an std,kids with 5 different girls,and thought you probably chase your little sister around to rape her. George and J:There is no hope for you as you use the Bible and the pulpit vipers to base your psychosis on. Later you closet-case FAGS.

  13. I’d like to apologize on behalf of some members of my family, who if they have not yet posted some type of hateful comments here, probably will. I ran across this accidentally, and it made me pause. Quite a few of the less tolerant members of my family have moved to your beautiful state over the last few years. [Hopefully this migration is not a trend.] I fear that they and others like them are trying to create an environment that is unhealthy for progressive thinking and peaceful living. If you are not like them, you are evil. So, I’m sorry. (& for you vipers, No, I’m not “Gay”. Simply living a simpler form of {Non acceptible} livestyle. Shame on you people. Get a life.)

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